Updates and Recaps

Hey y'all. This blog post is coming to you from my parents' house where I am laid up in bed with a turrible sore throat. Hooray for travel.

Wanted to update everyone on the latest with everything, and provide some general thoughts on how the Empath release went.

Moving Update:

First and foremost, I'm back in Pensacola and this is my permanent home base. I say home base because I'm still traveling-both back to DC for clients, and around the US for conventions. I am in the process of buying a house down here (that's a blog post for another day), and getting settled in. It was a rough couple of days when I first got here, but I seem to have let go of most of the anxiety.

I was up in DC/VA for a week and a half last week to attend the VA Comicon in Richmond, see my clients, and attend the Tidewater Comicon in VA Beach (in that order).

VA Comicon:

While I love Brett and Dan and the crew there, I'm not sure it's worth it for me to drive from P'cola anymore. The shows are so hit-and-miss, and this weekend was definitely a miss. I believe it was my worst show ever, sales-wise, and I didn't even make enough to cover expenses, which were minimal.

TW Comicon:

I think I expected this one to be a lot bigger, and so while I didn't do terrible, I didn't do as well as I thought. I didn't make costs here either, but that was more my fault for not looking harder for a cheaper hotel, and deciding to drive down Friday instead of Saturday morning (long, long story there).

I was really happy to see a lot of repeat customers, though, and even more excited to see folks really take to Empath. I'm going to have to lower my expectations for Double Life and raise them for Empath from now on, since it seemed that the books were in competition with each other for cash.

S. Usher Does Amurica Status/WorldCon Status

I have decided to cancel my cross-country driving tour this year. I'm just burnt-out yo, and being on the road for six weeks straight is not my idea of a fabulous time right now.

I am still considering attending WorldCon via flying, since I have a table and a hotel, but I might not. I have until Monday to make my decision, so I'll let you guys know when/if it happens. I need to do some more local-ish events so I can catch up.

Or you can all buy my books so I don't have to go to conventions to sell them. Either/or. ;) 

Conviction Status:

One of the very nice things about having no internet/tv at Grandpa's house (where I stayed while visiting my clients in DC) was that it forced me to read some books and to lay down the big rocks for Conviction (that's Razia Book 3 if you're just joining us). 

I'm happy to say that I passed 60,000 words and have filled in most of the blanks in the book. Now I'm just going through and either leaving notes to fix small wording things later, or fixing them. Hoping to have it to the betas by the end of the month.

Blog Status:

Lots of things are happening in my personal life at the end of May, and so I am taking the time to shut down the blog and social media activity from May 25-June 7th. During that time, I'll be putting the finishing touches on the update to the website design, which will go live on Double Life's (and my) birthday, June 12th.

Also, fair warning: If you're a KU subscriber and you haven't grabbed Alliances, you have less than a month to read it for free! And if you are not a KU subscriber, you can grab Alliances on B&N, iTunes, etc. starting June 8th.

Empath Release:

I just wanted to say thank you for everyone who has bought the book, read the book, cried over the book, and/or reviewed the book. I was so freaking nervous about it, wondering if I was the only one who felt like this, but to see that my own fears are universal was such a relief.

Thank you to everyone on Twitter and such for sharing the book and for spreading the love. You guys are the best. 

I will say that this book didn't get the kind of attention from me that Alliances did, and I think it was to its detriment from a presales perspective. That being said, I think that this one might be one of those books that people read and share. So we'll see what happens.

~*~

I don't have any more blogs planned until the drawdown next week, but I'll be around when I'm not asleep. Or at the beach. Or cuddling with my dogs.

Life is good.

Selling Houses and Dating Boys Part Deux

This week, I threw it back to a post on selling houses and dating boys. In it, I wrote about how I felt that "I don't get perfect," in either real estate transactions or in dating gentlemen callers.

At the time I wrote that post, I was actually seeing someone quite lovely. Like, "Oh my god, where have you been" kind of lovely. Like "Came over and helped me get my house ready for sale, mowed my lawn twice, cleaned my kitchen, helped me put a door on my cabinets" kind of lovely. Kind of looked like Sage Teon kind of lovely.

And it fizzled out in the way that most of my relationships nowadays usually do: he just stopped calling and texting about two weeks ago.

Womp womp.

Interestingly, I actually have a little bit different opinion about things now as February. What I have since realized is that I tend to hold onto what I have versus taking a risk on the unknown. And when I lose something, my initial reaction is that I won't ever get something that good again so I hold onto it in my mind.

What I am beginning to understand is that "Holding onto the past because I'm afraid of the future is no way to live."

This is not a new discovery, because I wrote that in Empath almost six months ago. But it's taken a while to sink in.

So bringing it back to the TBT post, I did end up getting another offer on my house. The funny thing is, if the first had gone through, I actually would have made less money overall because I would have had to do a rent-back agreement and pay for two months of their mortgage so I could stay until May. Even now, the deal includes a 1.5% assistance on closing, but I still walk away with more money.

With the guy who stopped calling, while he's a lovely human being, I also know that the right place for me is in Pensacola. And if you aren't from there, it's really hard to adapt to that lifestyle. Yeah, beach and sun and fun, but it's also a small town with rednecks (I use that term with love). I couldn't ask anyone to be miserable on my account.

Honestly, the hardest thing for me to do is to accept that the universe has better things in store for me. Nothing, it seems, happens to me because of pure luck or happenstance. My career, my books, everything happened because I did the work. And I always feel like the universe is out to get me, so I'm always working extra hard to keep ahead of Plethegon it. So for me to accept that the universe is taking away something because there's something better down the road is hard, because it would mean that I'd have to accept that the Great Creator universe doesn't hate me.

Yet the proof is in the pudding. None of this - S. Usher Evans, Razia, Empath, any of it - would have happened had I not let go of my old relationship. I wouldn't be moving home, I wouldn't be happy, not really. There is always something else down the road - maybe not better, but different.

A lot of this boils down to perspective, as well. If you described the person I am right now to the person I was in June 2013, Whitney of 2013 would never have believed that this lifestyle would have made me happy. And yet, it does.

Perfect, then, is in the eye of the beholder.

Namaste.

My Bestie

I don't remember meeting my best friend in the entire universe Valerie in preschool, but apparently we did.

BFFs at age 4

Loneliness

Disclaimer: I wrote this blog post 3 months ago. The specifics may or may not be totally accurate at this point ref. number of dates and the state of my house. But it's still a good blog post and an important one for me.

----

At the end of Double Life, there's a line about Lyssa realizing she's abandoned herself because she hated herself and I remember when I read it in the midst of my quarter life crisis, I sat back and said, "Ow."

The same thing happened when I was editing Alliances.

Who I was and Who I am

My parents are downsizing and selling the house I lived in from ages ~12-20 (although I was mostly at college for the last 3 years of it). So, Terry was all, "MEH YOU NEED TO CLEAN OUT YOUR CLOSET!"

And I was all, "Gull Mah, just get rid of it, yo."

And she was all, "MEH!"

And we're going to be living together.

Letting Suni Take Over

So I'm on a work-related travel back to the gulf coast, around 2 hours from my parent's house. It's fantastic, and hopefully may turn into something more permanent.

It's funny because I can see glimpses of what my life would be like, and I find that it has the potential to stay the same. I'm a creature of habit and responsibilities. I don't deviate off the beaten path, I don't do anything other than go to work and come home.

Today, though, I did something different. I took a right turn instead of heading straight back to my hotel and I spent about an hour wandering up and down the beach with my shoes in my hands. No matter that I was wearing my office clothes or that they got wet. I just went with it. And - here's the kicker - I even took a back road back to my hotel.

I don't have responsibilities here. I mean, work of course, but I don't have to rush home. Once I'm at the hotel, I can leave if I want. If I move here, my dogs would live with my parents and I would commute Monday mornings and Thursday nights. That means I could be irresponsible and live in a studio condo on the beach during the week, even though hurricanes and whatnot.

All of this comes from letting go of my anxieties and letting Suni, the author and fearless person that lives in my head, take over. Her voice was silent for many years, but she's getting stronger.

Not bug out and go to New Orleans to meet up with random guys strong. *coughyouknowhoyouarecough*

But, "hey, you should go to the beach now. Because why not" strong

Which is surprising progress for me.

And good things happen when I listen to Suni.

 

Clarity

"I've got that sunshine
It's like the world is mine
I can't deny I'm feeling good
It's not from smiling
I've bottled lightening
I can't deny I'm feeling good."
- Christina Grimmie, "Feelin' Good"

You've all been privy to my forays into my life changes that I'm pondering. Publishing a book is one thing, but I'm taking it a step further, deciding on some profoundly major life choices. Such as selling my house and moving home to Pensacola to write.

What do you think?


Why, do you ask, have I decided to think about making this uber life change?

Couple reasons, actually, starting with the realization that the other voice in my head (Suni) is right about a lot of things. Namely that we aren't very happy here, we aren't very happy doing things for others that toss them out, and we want to go back to our roots and be creative. I tend to have a 2 year shelf life on anything - projects, apartments, marathon running, etc. before I get bored. But I've been writing since I was eleven (I bounce around between books, which is how I don't get bored), so I know that's my true calling.

Don't get me wrong, I absolutely love the shall-continue-to-remain-unidentified-publicly company that I work for. If I was going to continue doing my current line of work, I would absolutely want to continue working for them forever. But I don't, so it will be a parting of the ways once I fulfill my obligations to them. It may not be forever - I may miss it and want to continue working for them down there. But for now, I am planning for a departure.

Second reason is that, try as I might, I just don't fit in here in the National Capital Region. I'm silly, I'm a homebody. I don't go clubbing, I don't like loud bars. I like to go out where I can talk to people, I like day festivals and cheap baseball games and spending all day at the beach, and sitting around a bonfire at night with a cold cider in my hand. I like randomness with my best friend in the universe, such as when we went to go see Frozen on a random Tuesday when I was home. I want to wear a tutu during a race and not be the only weirdo doing it.

Third reason is all Whit - It just makes financial sense to move home. If I sell my house, I can make a sick profit on it, thanks in part to the upgrades Daddy and I did. But even more awesome is that houses in the ol' Pensacola are ridiculously inexpensive - especially one that needs some R&R. So basically I can buy a house twice as big for half as much - and cut my mortgage by about 75%. Which means my salary requirements also go down by 75%.

It's kind of ironic to me, thinking about it now. When I was seventeen, all I wanted was to get the ever-loving-hell out of there. I hated every single person in that town, especially the asswipes who sold me out my senior year. I wanted to go to the big city, I wanted to make a name for myself, do awesome things. And now, ten years later, all I want to do is go home, to the people who love me and understand me, where I can make a quiet living writing and helping Daddy remodel houses.

Even more ironic is the absolute CLARITY that I feel about this decision. As you'll note early in the process, Suni and Whit did NOT get along. It's striking to me, after a few months of directed therapy, to go back and read those blog posts about the war going on in my head. I wonder sometimes how I actually lived my life that way.

The girls, however, are in complete agreement on this life-altering decision. No qualms, no nerves, no nothing. Everybody is just okay with it.

I'm not a super religious person, but I do believe that the universe/God/Great Creator in Leveman's Vortex/Flying Spaghetti Monster sends signals, and I've always been fairly receptive to those signs. I'm hoping/praying/spaghetting that this clarity that I feel is a signal from the aforementioned deity that this is the right thing to do - and that it's a horizon I see, not a waterfall that I'm going to go tumbling over. That maybe, for once, things will blossom the way that I foresee them blossoming - my book will sell, my house will sell, my life will quickly gel from the NCR to the Gulf Coast. (Poet and I didn't know it).

But I know, if it doesn't go well, there's a whole mess of folks down in Pensacola that have my back. 

Clap along if you feel like a room without a roof....

This weekend was amazing.

Totally worth it and needed.

I loved every single moment.

I made a lot of funny faces. Drank some Irish wakes and Nuun.

And I feel recharged and ready to re-engage with the universe. 

So long Florida. Love you and all of your people.