To Win At Life

I've been thinking a lot about winning at life.

 
Not in the "I win at life" standpoint, but that inner competitive urge that rears its ugly head whenever someone has a major life event, like getting married, having babies, etc. Or when I find out that certain people might have new girlfriends.

I've talked a lot about how I'm purposefully "out of the game" as it were dating-wise. Besides the fact that I'm planning a cross-country move in the next 4-12 months (and a cross-country book tour!), I don't want to be with someone because I'm desperate to be with anyone. That usually results in bad coupling decisions.

So I'm consciously uncoupled, but that doesn't mean I'm perfectly okay with that decision. Sometimes, especially when everyone else seems to be "moving on" with their lives, I wonder, "Should I be moving on with my life, too?" (read: Should I reinstall Tinder and get back out in the dating world?).

The healthy, non-desperate path-to-happiness is to be okay in my own skin without needing anyone else to make me happy. If I happen upon a person that shares my life goals and supports me, then that's great. The knocked-into-my-head path to happiness is to find me a man to take care of me and pump a couple babies into me. 

Path A is completely within my control: I can choose to write and be happy with whatever life comes my way.

Path B puts my happiness in the hands of someone else - and turns me into a man-hunting psycho-bitch who goes through men like tissues.

I really want to be the first person.

I still wrestle with changing my own perceptions about what "winning" at life is. For twenty-seven years, "winning" was one thing: Get married and have babies. That was the way to hit the life-jackpot, and I was sprinting as fast as I could to it. Because I had to do it before everyone else, because that was the only way to "win" at life.

The problem with that is that life is never that simple. Millions of people get married and then get divorced. Fertility isn't always a certainty either - and once it comes there's a million different things that could go wrong. Even if I were to "win" at life, life isn't a single moment - it's a collection of millions of moments. There's no one goal - and we all die in the end.

That's why it's so important to live in the moment, to find happiness in the every day and in the life that I have at this moment. And instead of waiting for someone else to "deliver" that happiness, it's much more satisfying to create it myself.

And that, my friends, is how you win at life.

Self-Publishing

Forgive me, but I'm all fired up with freedom in my belly.

I know it's not 4th of July anymore, but I'm talking about the freedom to self-publish.

It's still amazing to me how many writers aren't even putting themselves out there. They sit behind their computers and wait for rejection letters from agents. Or they say, "This genre won't sell so I'm not going to query an agent!"

So, I put on my self-pub cheer-leading outfit this morning and said "What the hell are you waiting for? Upload your shit to Smashwords and start making money!"

Apparently I offended some people.

I got into an argument (I thought it was a nice, civil disagreement, but after a nasty gram from the admin, I was told there were complaints) about the idea that "Agents won't take self-published work and self-publishing severely diminishes your chances of getting traditionally published."

My response:

Obvs, I was much nicer.

But I still pulled myself out of the group, since it was clear that this particular town wasn't buying my snake oil.

But here's my full response in hilarious .gif form:

Is it true that some agents won't take self-published work?

 
Is it true that some big-name publishers won't take self-published work?

Is it true that your entire publication life will be ruined and you'll never work in this town again?

It makes me sad that too many good writers are waiting on the sidelines because they're waiting for that "stamp" of approval from somebody who simply gets a paycheck from a company that says "Agency" or "Publishing."

(To be clear: Agents are some of the most hard-working and incredible people. But they are just... people. Just because you have an agent doesn't mean you'll make any money. Editors too - hard working, good people who do an amazing job. But they are...again...just people - and you can choose to take or leave their opinions)

I see people asking questions like, "Do I need to change my book in order to have an agent like me?" or "Agents don't like prologues, I should turn mine into chapter one."

And I'm over here like:

There's a lot in life I'm not clear about. Don't ask me how to put together a car engine, don't ask me how to perform quality assurance on a missile. Don't ask me about limits in calculus, either - the one concept I never understood.

But Double Life? I feel that shit in my soul.

It is exactly as I intended it to be (albeit with a few typos which I shall fix in the next version I upload).

It's the same level of confidence I feel about myself when I go out on dates. You think I'm too fat, too loud, too goofy, too intense?

Likewise, if an agent isn't getting my vision, or they don't want to take me on because I've self-published - who cares? You ain't for me, son.

I feel like in this business you have to have to know when to take criticism and when to smile and thank someone for their input (that's the consultant way of saying "Yeah, I'm not going to listen to you"). People will always have an opinion about your work, and you have to decide where it's legitimate and where it's just noise. If you're doing things with intention, then you should know what the difference is.

So yeah, I'm still querying agents, but I'm starting to wonder why. After all, the S. Usher Evans Train is full steam ahead towards comic-book conventions, book signings, the whole enchilada. So really, I'm actually wondering what an agent would provide that I'm not already doing for myself.

At the end of the day, even if I am rejected by every single agent, I'm the one laughing all the way to the bank. I'm the one with a series published (in 3 years) and five more on the way. I'm the one who has full control over the design and marketing of my work. I'm the one with the power to sell my book directly to readers, and keep 100% of my profits (minus sales tax). I don't need an agent to set up a library book reading or to buy a booth at a comic-book convention. I can do that - and am doing that - all by myself.

To each their own, I suppose. I guess I've just been drinking the self-published kool-aid for so long that I forgot other people are still sober. And it's just shocking to me to see how many people put their dreams and their happiness in the hands of others, just to be let down. I just want people to understand that they can make their own dreams come true.

So that, dear friends, was where I was coming from. But still - kicked out of a group before 9AM on a Sunday? I think that's a record.

Don't worry, I won't.

Clarity

"I've got that sunshine
It's like the world is mine
I can't deny I'm feeling good
It's not from smiling
I've bottled lightening
I can't deny I'm feeling good."
- Christina Grimmie, "Feelin' Good"

You've all been privy to my forays into my life changes that I'm pondering. Publishing a book is one thing, but I'm taking it a step further, deciding on some profoundly major life choices. Such as selling my house and moving home to Pensacola to write.

What do you think?


Why, do you ask, have I decided to think about making this uber life change?

Couple reasons, actually, starting with the realization that the other voice in my head (Suni) is right about a lot of things. Namely that we aren't very happy here, we aren't very happy doing things for others that toss them out, and we want to go back to our roots and be creative. I tend to have a 2 year shelf life on anything - projects, apartments, marathon running, etc. before I get bored. But I've been writing since I was eleven (I bounce around between books, which is how I don't get bored), so I know that's my true calling.

Don't get me wrong, I absolutely love the shall-continue-to-remain-unidentified-publicly company that I work for. If I was going to continue doing my current line of work, I would absolutely want to continue working for them forever. But I don't, so it will be a parting of the ways once I fulfill my obligations to them. It may not be forever - I may miss it and want to continue working for them down there. But for now, I am planning for a departure.

Second reason is that, try as I might, I just don't fit in here in the National Capital Region. I'm silly, I'm a homebody. I don't go clubbing, I don't like loud bars. I like to go out where I can talk to people, I like day festivals and cheap baseball games and spending all day at the beach, and sitting around a bonfire at night with a cold cider in my hand. I like randomness with my best friend in the universe, such as when we went to go see Frozen on a random Tuesday when I was home. I want to wear a tutu during a race and not be the only weirdo doing it.

Third reason is all Whit - It just makes financial sense to move home. If I sell my house, I can make a sick profit on it, thanks in part to the upgrades Daddy and I did. But even more awesome is that houses in the ol' Pensacola are ridiculously inexpensive - especially one that needs some R&R. So basically I can buy a house twice as big for half as much - and cut my mortgage by about 75%. Which means my salary requirements also go down by 75%.

It's kind of ironic to me, thinking about it now. When I was seventeen, all I wanted was to get the ever-loving-hell out of there. I hated every single person in that town, especially the asswipes who sold me out my senior year. I wanted to go to the big city, I wanted to make a name for myself, do awesome things. And now, ten years later, all I want to do is go home, to the people who love me and understand me, where I can make a quiet living writing and helping Daddy remodel houses.

Even more ironic is the absolute CLARITY that I feel about this decision. As you'll note early in the process, Suni and Whit did NOT get along. It's striking to me, after a few months of directed therapy, to go back and read those blog posts about the war going on in my head. I wonder sometimes how I actually lived my life that way.

The girls, however, are in complete agreement on this life-altering decision. No qualms, no nerves, no nothing. Everybody is just okay with it.

I'm not a super religious person, but I do believe that the universe/God/Great Creator in Leveman's Vortex/Flying Spaghetti Monster sends signals, and I've always been fairly receptive to those signs. I'm hoping/praying/spaghetting that this clarity that I feel is a signal from the aforementioned deity that this is the right thing to do - and that it's a horizon I see, not a waterfall that I'm going to go tumbling over. That maybe, for once, things will blossom the way that I foresee them blossoming - my book will sell, my house will sell, my life will quickly gel from the NCR to the Gulf Coast. (Poet and I didn't know it).

But I know, if it doesn't go well, there's a whole mess of folks down in Pensacola that have my back. 

A Few Days Down...

"It's a take out weekend
It's a fake out smile and pretend
If nobody sees you cry
You can say it was raining outside

And all that you want
Is a few days down
All that you need
Is a little time to drown
It's to be expected
With all the weight you carry 'round
All that you want is a few days down."
- Mandy Moore, "Few Days Down"

I am not an impulsive person by nature. I don't go out and spend tons of money, I don't buy expensive purchases. In fact, I struggle with buying things I actually need (read: expensive face washes that keep my acne at bay). But today (yesterday, 'cause I'm not posting this until tomorrow), I made an INCREDIBLE impluse buy.

I bought a ticket to go home. TOMORROW (today!)

OMG!

Going home for me is a big deal because a) it's Florida and there is snow on the ground where I am right now, and b) it recharges my soul in ways nothing else can. I've had a pretty shitty week, and I can't shake this funk that has settled over my head. I was bitching to my Pookie (best friend) and she commented lightly that I should come home and run the McGuire's 5k prediction run with her. And my immediate reaction was, "let me see."

Well tickets were over $600. Not to mention my normal dog sitter charged over $500 for a weekend. So my initial judgment was, "no way, you can't spend that kind of money." Then I bravely contacted a former gentlemen caller who happened to own his own dog walking business and asked him how much to watch the kiddos for a weekend. His price was significantly lower.

So I took a deep breath, and, shaking, I did it.

Fun story - my parents don't know that I'm coming. HEE! (They do by the time this post goes live, as I've got it scheduled mwahaha).

This has literally turned my entire LIFE around, and I'm so excited I can't even stand it. I finished all of my homework early, am knocking out task after task at work with a SMILE on my face, and I even want to get home and finish working on Razia tonight so I can have something to read on the plane. I expect this weekend to be full of day drinking, laughter, and enjoyment. And even though I'm only home for less than 72 hours, I think this is exactly what I need to bring me back to life.

And all thanks to my Pookie! Love you girl!

Hello....!

Hi friends - both imaginary and real. Thanks for stopping by!

For those of you who don't know me, my name is S. Usher Evans, and I am an author of many novel series. Most of which remain firmly fixed in the ol' noggin, but slowly but surely, they are being leaked out onto my iPad for mostly my enjoyment. But, after reading them over and over, I kind of feel like they're pretty good. Thus, I've decided to publish some of them for (hopefully) your enjoyment :)

The first book to be published is the first of a 4 (maybe 5 or 6) book series about a fun girl named Razia - or Lyssa, depending on where she is. Razia wants to be the best bounty hunter in the universe. The only problem is that nobody will give her a break, and she's relegated to capturing petty purse snatchers and other peons. To make ends meet, she works in the "family" profession as a Deep Space Explorer. As if that wasn't bad enough, she's also trying to keep two steps ahead of her slimy boss, Dr. Pymus, who's interested in getting his hands on the work of her disappeared father's work on Leveman's Vortex, a gargantuan black hole thought to be the home of a divine "Great Creator."

 

The delicate balance between her two worlds is upended when Dr. Pymus forces her to take on an intern. This intern, her younger brother Vel, becomes an asset when a case of mistaken identity causes the police to think Razia the pirate has taken a hostage. Lauded by the pirates by this, Razia is finally given the leeway to hunt freely...except that Vel shows up, demanding that she fulfill the obligations of her internship. Unable to shake him, Vel joins Lyssa as she maneuvers the complicated underworld of space piracy while still trying to keep ahead of Dr. Pymus, and all the while trying to escape the shadow of her father's work.

...

Sounds like a fun time, right?

 

Okay, so maybe you need to read it. Which you will be able to on.....

 

June 12th.

 

Yep, June 12th. Barring any surprises from Smashwords, Book 1 of the Razia series will be available in your favorite e-bookstore (iTunes, Amazon, Barnes and Noble). If this great experiment works, maybe you could get a physical copy.

 

What am I hoping to gain from this experiment? Not much. I'm doing this more to say that I did it than to become J.K. Rowling. But you know, a nice house in Scotland would be nice.

 

So what can you expect from me here on out? Depending on interest, maybe some excerpts from the book, maybe some social media contests, maybe nothing. Completely up to you, my imaginary friends. The fact that I have publicly announced the fact that I am a writer to people I actually know is a huge first step for me. Not to get all squishy on you or anything....

 

 

 

And on that note, stay tuned, friends :)