Brave

"Say what you wanna say

Just let the words fall out

Honestly, I wanna see you be brave" 

- Sarah Bareilles, Brave

I've been very brave as of late, and that's what I want to blog about tonight. By nature, I am not a brave person. I'm a hobbit - and not like Bilbo or Frodo. I'm the Sackville-Bagginses, who stay behind in the shire and wait for the adventurers to come back*.

(*Yes, that nerd out did just happen.) 

My bravery recently comes from exposing myself - or rather, exposing Suni. Who is Suni (sounds like Sunny, but I'm an odd duck, so I spelled it weird)? Suni is my alter-ego, the dramatic voice in my head who throws hissy fits, and the person who writes all the books. Suni is the drama queen - the one who would rather sit in the corner and cry her eyes out, the one who screams and throws tantrums when things doesn't go her way. Sometimes, especially when I'm tired or particularly weak, she'll come out - guns blaring, opinions blasting, and taking everyone - including me - by surprise. She holds onto things WAY longer than is probably healthy, chewing on a problem until it has no flavor and then sticking it in her hair. She and I argue constantly over things - I say she's too dramatic, she wants to write something super emotional and cry about it. I say I'm frustrated at work, she says to quit our job and make millions of dollars writing books. I tell her she's in a fantasy world and she goes off into the corner to pout. 

Suni manifested herself during that horrible time in elementary/middle school when everyone just gets mean. When I literally had no friends, and going to school was an exercise in humiliation and solitude. She was there, with the rowdy cast of characters from my books, to comfort me and offer escape. It didn't matter if I was lonely, or sad, or depressed - as long as I had my "mind palace" (to borrow a phrase), I could always be happy. I had constant companionship no matter where I found myself.

So, as you might imagine, as I became an adult, and the childhood traumas faded (slightly), Suni couldn't throw temper tantrums and hissy fits. I had to be stable, normal, in charge, and with my shit together. But she's still up there, offering commentary on things, being the creative side of me and solving problems at work. Nobody - not even my (ex) boyfriend of six and a half years - knew she was up there, because I was afraid to let her out. I was afraid to show people that I'm not just this career-driven, high performing, marathon-running, dog-rescuing consultant. I have this whole other side to me - this creative, dramatic, and deeply emotional side of me that has seven novel series up in her head in varying stages of completion.

I've recently been seeing a therapist (yikes, that's a brave admission) to work through some issues, and for the first time, I acknowledged - out loud - that Suni is up there. And dammit, she wanted to be heard. Saying it out loud, and having said therapist not respond that I was crazy, was pretty awesome. And that's why I decided to bring Suni out completely, and publish her words - yes, they are her words. And that is why my nom de plume is "S." Usher Evans. I'm just here to work and pay the bills to support Suni's creative writing habit. 

So why is exposing Suni so brave? I had a panic attack when I set up her Facebook page - what was I doing, letting everyone know I wrote science fiction novels, people will totally laugh at me and make fun of me (hello middle school). And it was so scary to speak about the world that had lived in my head for years and years and let other people see it. It's such an intimate part of me.

But not to you internet people that I've never met - I don't care about you (no, actually, I love you for caring about me even though we've never met). Was was more terrifying were people who actually know me in flesh and blood. People I like, and care about, and whose opinions of me - and friendships - mean the world. But, you know, I did it anyways. And everyone was super supportive about it.

So I'm continuing to be brave - to share the vampiric pieces of myself that have never seen the light of day (vampiric is not to be taken literally, I have no books on vampires, thankfully). To open myself up to the fact that if I get laughed at, if I get rejected, that it's not the end of the world. And my friends - true friends - will love me even if I spend my time writing about a silly little bounty hunter named Razia. Or a little girl with magic named Torie. Or Zaida. Or Anna (list goes on and on...)

And anyone who doesn't can go f#&k themselves. 

Whoops, that was Suni talking. :)

So I shall continue to be brave and honest. And if I run away blushing when you ask me about my book, just wait a few minutes, maybe I'll emerge from my hobbit hole and open the door to Narnia on platform 9 and 3/4. 

(Yes, that was three nerd book references in one sentence.)

Side Note - Writing this blog entry, I have started to see shades of Razia/Lyssa. And wow, is that kind of cool/weird/strange/interesting at how much my own insecurities are bleeding into the main character of my book. I guess Hemmingway was right, "There is nothing to writing. You simply sit at a typewriter and bleed."

Inspiration Songs

Music has always been a great source of inspiration to me. I may absolutely HATE a song, until one sentence or phrase reminds me of something in one of my books (looking at you Britney) and then it's a permanent addition to my themed playlists. Sometimes, songs even spur me to think of a new event or scene in a book.

I thought I'd put together a post with all the songs that remind me of Razia, and specifically of Double Life, in case you were looking for some new great hits to add to your iPhone (or Android, no judgements here).

1. Human - Christina Perri 

"I'm only human
And I crash and I break down
Your words in my head
Knives in my heart
You build me up and then I fall apart
'Cause I'm only human"

This is a brand new song, but it's on repeat for me lately. Christina has such an amazingly soulful voice, and her lyrics are so deep. This song, specifically, can apply in so many different areas of the book - Razia puts on this face like she's a machine, but deep down she's not so strong. Guh, love this song.

2. Attagirl - Bettie Serveert

"Don't get stuck somewhere in the middle
You've paid all your dues
And you're not on second fiddle
Don't say luck is something like a riddle
You paid for your place in this world
Attagirl."

I don't remember when this song first appeared in my iTunes library, but I absolutely love it for Razia.    In the first couple of drafts of this book, Raz was actually already an established bounty hunter, and she never had to work for it. The more I wrote, the more I realized that I was making it  too easy on her, so now she's working hard to "pay her dues" to become a bounty hunter.

The irony is, of course, that as a DSE, she's basically had everything handed to her. Don't get why that's ironic? You will.

3. Heart Like Mine - Miranda Lambert

"'Cause I heard Jesus, He drank wine
And I bet we'd get along just fine
He could calm a storm and heal the blind
And I bed He'd understand a heart like mine"

So this isn't an overtly religious book, but there are a lot of religious undertones.  Leveman's Vortex - which Lyssa's father was obsessively researching - is the center of the dominant religion in the universe. People believe that souls are given a "true purpose" from the Great Creator and sent out into the universe to live as people. Then, when the body dies, the soul returns to the Vortex to be judged (similar to the ancient Egyptian weighing of the hearts). If it's done what it's supposed to, it will be light enough to ascend to heaven, otherwise, it basically is damned to burn in a river of fire.

Lyssa's relationship with religion is an interesting and complex one that is explored a lot in this book. And this song kind of talks to where I hope she gets one day - knowing she's not perfect, but feeling confident that she's still a good person inside. Which is the takeaway from this song for me.

4. Daughters - John Mayer

"Oh you see that skin?
It's the same she's been standing in
Since the day she saw him walking away
Now she's left to clean up to mess he made."

Yup. That.

5. I Won't Give Up - Jason Mraz

"And just like them old stars
I see that you've come so far
To be right where you are
How old is your soul?"

Although this song is a little romantic in nature, I can only think of Vel, Lyssa's intern. Why? You'll find out.

------


And two that are just inspiring to me the writer lately:

Come Back Down - Greg Laswell (featuring my musical spirit animal Sara Bareilles)

"All of your wallowing is unbecoming
You've gotta take it on your own from here
It's getting pathetic and I'm almost done here"

I listen to this song when I get too stuck in my own head. It's also a great running song.

Shine - Anna Nalick

"Isn't it time you got over how fragile you are?
We're all waiting on your supernova
'Cause that's who you are
And you've only begun to shine."

:)

Now, to go write so I can shine.

20 Questions

Tonight, I thought I would post a few things about the book - and by a few, I mean 20 questions. And by 20 questions, I mean 10.

1. Summarize the Razia series in one sentence

It's about a girl, trying to follow her dreams, and dealing with all the other crap that life throws her way....in space...with pirates...and stuff. 

2. Summarize the first book in less words than the synopsis

Razia wants to be a bounty hunter, she ain't got no respect/can only capture peons, has to work as a scientist to pay the bills, which means she has to deal with a slimy boss. Said boss saddles her with intern as a means to spy on her. Said intern is later mistaken for a hostage, which results in a tiny bit of respect for Razia from the pirates. Intern + Razia get into shenanigans, trying to avoid boss, who is obsessed with her (disappeared) father while trying to be the best bounty hunter in the universe

3. How many books are in this series?

Definitely 4. Maybe 5, if I get really brave. And maybe 6 - the prologue. There's a big long story before Book 1 that should get told at some point. And you know, if this gets super successful, maybe some vignettes between books 4 and 5. But let's not get too crazy now.

4. What is your favorite part of the book?

Ah-hah. no spoilers. But generally, anytime Razia/Lyssa gets sassy always tickles my funny bone. Or whenever I make her life miserable and she bitches about it.

5. Explain the whole Razia/Lyssa thing

In the book, whenever she is in the pirate "world," she refers to herself and sees herself as Razia. Whenever she's back in the DSE world, she refers to herself and sees herself as Lyssa. When she's in neither...you'll have to read to find out.

6. What is a Deep Space Explorer (DSE)?

A DSE is a scientist that travels to far flung planets to "excavate" them - or analyze their chemical and biological signatures to see if life could be sustained there. Then, they take all this data and sell them to planet prospectors, representatives for planet buyers. The buyers could be corporations, governments, military, universities - anyone who wants a giant planet to do stuff on. It's a big business, and very heavily regulated.

Prospective scientists as young as 11 are sent to the Planetary and System Science Academy, where they learn key skills such as planetary survival, carbon signature mapping, and other dorky kinds of stuff. Once they graduate with their doctorate (around 18 or 19), the stay at the Academy as a home base in-between excavations; it's also where they sell planets. So the Academy refers to both the school piece and the actual scientist piece. It's all housed in one giant satellite station, which is also referred to as "the Academy."

7. Favorite character besides Razia/Lyssa

I'd have to say Sage. He is such a great foil to Razia because he doesn't take her crap. He's also one of the only people who really knows her and knows her past, which is always fun with someone who tries so hard to hide all of that. 

8. Five favorite lines from the book

5. Lyssa watched him jog out into the forest and tried to remind herself that she was already going to hell for much worse.

4. “You are messy, and kind of mean,” Sage shrugged. 

3. “You know, as a general rule, I don’t really beat up on the lesser pirates,” he began, walking up to her. “And I really don’t feel right hitting a girl.”

(followed by...)

2. “Wonderful,” Razia snapped, trying to keep her face emotionless, knowing exactly what was coming next. “So what are we doing here?”

 

1. "Shit." (this is actually my favorite line in multiple places).

9. Why should people read this book?

Because they love me? No, just kidding (except for you, Mom). People should read this book because besides all the space-ness, it's actually a pretty relatable story. Person has dream, life gets in the way, person adjusts. It's a story about relationships - family relationships, work relationships, and who we trust. It's also - at its heart - a story about someone recognizing their own self worth, which I think is a dance we can all groove to. 

10. Anything you want to add?

Just that I'm so amazed at how supportive everyone's been thus far, and my appreciation knows no bounds. And also that I now need to actually work on this book instead of making inane blog posts.... :X

Hello....!

Hi friends - both imaginary and real. Thanks for stopping by!

For those of you who don't know me, my name is S. Usher Evans, and I am an author of many novel series. Most of which remain firmly fixed in the ol' noggin, but slowly but surely, they are being leaked out onto my iPad for mostly my enjoyment. But, after reading them over and over, I kind of feel like they're pretty good. Thus, I've decided to publish some of them for (hopefully) your enjoyment :)

The first book to be published is the first of a 4 (maybe 5 or 6) book series about a fun girl named Razia - or Lyssa, depending on where she is. Razia wants to be the best bounty hunter in the universe. The only problem is that nobody will give her a break, and she's relegated to capturing petty purse snatchers and other peons. To make ends meet, she works in the "family" profession as a Deep Space Explorer. As if that wasn't bad enough, she's also trying to keep two steps ahead of her slimy boss, Dr. Pymus, who's interested in getting his hands on the work of her disappeared father's work on Leveman's Vortex, a gargantuan black hole thought to be the home of a divine "Great Creator."

 

The delicate balance between her two worlds is upended when Dr. Pymus forces her to take on an intern. This intern, her younger brother Vel, becomes an asset when a case of mistaken identity causes the police to think Razia the pirate has taken a hostage. Lauded by the pirates by this, Razia is finally given the leeway to hunt freely...except that Vel shows up, demanding that she fulfill the obligations of her internship. Unable to shake him, Vel joins Lyssa as she maneuvers the complicated underworld of space piracy while still trying to keep ahead of Dr. Pymus, and all the while trying to escape the shadow of her father's work.

...

Sounds like a fun time, right?

 

Okay, so maybe you need to read it. Which you will be able to on.....

 

June 12th.

 

Yep, June 12th. Barring any surprises from Smashwords, Book 1 of the Razia series will be available in your favorite e-bookstore (iTunes, Amazon, Barnes and Noble). If this great experiment works, maybe you could get a physical copy.

 

What am I hoping to gain from this experiment? Not much. I'm doing this more to say that I did it than to become J.K. Rowling. But you know, a nice house in Scotland would be nice.

 

So what can you expect from me here on out? Depending on interest, maybe some excerpts from the book, maybe some social media contests, maybe nothing. Completely up to you, my imaginary friends. The fact that I have publicly announced the fact that I am a writer to people I actually know is a huge first step for me. Not to get all squishy on you or anything....

 

 

 

And on that note, stay tuned, friends :)