Lauren was focused on the idea that she needed to be happy to keep the monster at bay, to protect everyone from her own temptations. It was certainly a pretty day out, so that was enough to put her in a good mood.
She wandered around the small village, for the first time stopping long enough to take in the sights and the sounds. She smiled at a couple of villagers, who were too busy with their own work to stop and talk to her. None of them looked like they needed any help, and they told her as such when she asked.
In the absence of anything else to do, she wandered up the path to the watcher's post. Cefin was a nice distraction—at least, he was lovely to look at. And if she pretended, she could almost forget that they couldn't be together.
When she arrived, her heart warmed at the sight of him on the watcher's post, staring off into the sky. As she got closer, she saw the worry and concern etched on his face.
"Cefin? Are you okay?"
He nodded in welcome, but didn't look at her.
"What is it?" Lauren asked, coming to sit cross-legged next to him.
"I just can't stop thinking about Mairwan."
"She's going to be fine. Siors said—"
"I promised Aerona I would take care of her and the twins."
"Cefin," Lauren said. "You can't protect them from every little thing that happens. Your job is to protect the village from the Anghenfil." The Anghenfil which was currently taking up residence in the back of her mind and had become much more vocal in the past day.
But she was trying to bury it under a mountain of happy feelings. After all, she had felt better in Heulog after saving the lives of the villagers, perhaps she could make herself feel better by helping Cefin.
"And yet...that happiness was fleeting...gone in the blink of an eye..."
"Shut up," she hissed under her breath. She cast a nervous look to Cefin, hoping he hadn't just heard her talking to herself (or worse, talking to the Anghenfil), but he seemed too absorbed in his own pain to notice her.
~*~
One week after The Ex and I broke up, I threw myself into volunteering with animal rescue. My two kiddos come from Lost Dog and Cat Rescue, which is a fabulous organization and one that I love with all my heart. But I wasn't volunteering because I wanted to volunteer - I was volunteering to avoid dealing with my problems.
I read in an article that you can deal with life's unfairness by giving more of yourself. Instead of whining about how you don't have X, Y, or Z, volunteer to give A, B, and C to someone who doesn't have that. It's a way to not wallow on what you are due, especially when things don't always go your way.
While this is a fantastic strategy, I went overboard with it and used it to not think about how badly I was hurting. I thought if I volunteered and did good that good would come back. I didn't realize that goodness was already all around me but I was too focused on what I didn't have to see it.
The other problem with using volunteering to force yourself into a good mood is that it doesn't stick as long as genuine happiness. The Anghenfil (rightly) points out that Lauren's good mood with helping the village with tyllwyllwch (the black mist that is akin to depression) was fleeting. She ends up crying herself to sleep because she's miserable, even after doing all of the goodness.
The bottom line is that you have to deal with your shit. You can't bury it under false happiness or Netflix or dating a boy just because he smiles at you.
Because it will come out. Trust me, it will come out.
~~~
Lauren Dailey is in break-up hell.
Stuck between moving on and letting go, she puts on a brave face while crying herself to sleep at night. But when a mysterious voice promises escape from her sadness, she is suddenly transported to a new world. And in this place, the slightest touch pulls her out of her tortured emotions into the mind of another - an empath.The villagers - sweet Aerona and her mischievous twins, wise Siors, and hunky Cefin - welcome her and the blessings her empath powers bring. But this world is not without its dangers. The Anghenfil, a fire-breathing monster, has haunted the village for decades, and has a taste for empaths. And that mysterious voice promising escape from sadness? It's sounding more like a whisper tinged with smoke and embers.
Will Lauren be able to keep the monster in the mountain and in her head at bay? Or will she succumb to the darkness like the empath before her?
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