My Trust Issues

I have trust issues.

I didn't ever used to think I had trust issues, because I thought I was an open and honest book. And there's a whole lot that I’m not shy about telling people. But when it comes to really honestly and emotionally connecting with someone…

My trust issues come from never feeling like I ever fit in, coupled with some really damaging bullying when I was in middle school. My inner circle is comprised of people who either a) are family or b) have known me too long.

My own trust issues have prevented me from making any new, lasting relationships with people. Partially, I think I was afraid to be close with others because I didn't even like myself for a long time. I didn't know the person that I was or what I stood for. And so because I didn't think anyone could ever like me, I kept people at a distance.

This became a problem when the entirety of my support system (my ex-boyfriend) disappeared, and the rest of it was 1,000 miles away in Florida. And I looked around at the ten years I've spent in D.C., and I realized I had very little - relationship-wise - to show for it.

I explored this side of me in Alliances, especially with the inclusion of Lizbeth. Lyssa threw her weight in with Tauron when she was very young (as I did with my ex), and when he disappeared, she was adrift. With Vel, she and he learned to trust in the crucible of dangerous situations, but she still can't be completely truthful with him until this book.

For me, it's easy to sit behind a computer and blog about my deepest darkest secrets. But to sit in front of someone and look into their eyes and speak with them? Terrifying.

What about you? Do you have issues with trusting others? Sound off in the comments!

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