I am having a hard time writing Razia Book 2. It’s not that I’m having trouble coming up with new ideas - far from it, actually. I have tons of ideas - the entire book is basically written in my head. The problem is, when it comes to putting the ideas down on paper, every idea I come up with is immediately checked with what I “think” that readers will say.
Oh, that’s too much, take that out.
Oh, that jumps around too much.
Oh, that dialogue is chintzy.
I can’t even get a paragraph out without Whit (‘cause it’s her, stupid bitch) piping up to second guess me (Suni).
It’s odd, when I was younger, I would write and post fanfiction chapters at a time. At my apex in the Harry Potter fandom, I would gin up a chapter then post it to thousands of people. I never worried what people were going to say, I never put this pressure on myself to not suck. I would simply release and trust that the writing was awesome.
I think that’s the crux of what’s bothering me right now. It’s pressure. Pressure because I said this is going to be my livelihood, this is going to be something I have to stand behind as my bread and butter. Pressure because I’m afraid it’s never going to get done, or it’s going to be worse than Book 1.
Pressure equals anxiety and anxiety equals lack of focus. Lack of focus means I stress over my Facebook and Google Analytics numbers, wondering why I haven’t sold more books. Seeing my sales numbers makes me want to tweet more ads and check my Analytics again, wondering why people aren’t RTing my hilarious quote images from Double Life. Then I decide to work on another marketing campaign for Facebook that I’m scheduling for 4th of July weekend. And oh, I have books I have to read so I can write some reviews for my fellow indie authors, but I’m too tired now and...
Before I know it, it’s 10 at night, and I’m still at 33,000 words.
The only time that anxiety is quieted is when I am inspired to a new idea, and furiously tap it out. I’ve had a couple of good ones with this book - some good lines, some good themes. Book 2 goes in a different direction than Book 1 - different, but similar. It’s still Lyssa’s journey from fucked up to somewhat normal emotionally.
I had a hard time trying to bridge the gap between the two books - feeling like I was spending too much time on the bridge and not enough time on the action. I feel like we’re hopping back and forth between Science and Pirate too much - like a pingpong ball. I know big chunks of text need to go, but I’m afraid that I’ll have nothing to replace them with.
But, I remind myself, I had the same problem with Book 1. And now it reads (to me) perfectly.
So as much as Whit will let me, I shall let go and allow the thoughts to come freely and without judgement. I won't let my nervousness prevent me from doing what I have been doing forever. I have given myself plenty of time to do all of the things that need to happen, and there's 3/4 of a year between now and my deadline for publishing Book 2 (and yes, I do have a name for it, but I'm not telling you guys that yet). And it's okay to not always work on it, or to work on something else.
Let go and let it happen, babe.
Ohm. Shanti Shanti. Peace.
**EDIT: Okay, so I wrote this post a few weeks ago at around 7pm. By 11pm, I'd added almost 3500 words to a chapter that brings a lot of different pieces together in a perfectly perfect way.
So...blogging works?
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