My dad and I didn't used to have a good relationship. I won't go into specifics, but he was always the "mean" one, whereas mom was always the "nice" one. Dad would yell at us, Mom would comfort, etc.
It wasn't until I was an adult and had my own kids dogs that I actually began to see my dad and understand how he showed affection. It wasn't through hugs and kisses and all that - he showed affection through action. He volunteered his time to build the sets for the drama - like the time he made it rain in the Saenger theater or the time he built a two-story wooden ship that I danced on top of. This was after working all day out in the Florida heat.
Two years ago, when I bought my first house, it was barely even a question that he was going to help me remodel my kitchen - in DC. I don't remember even asking him, it just sort of naturally evolved out of conversations about the things I wanted to do. The man drove all night - again, after working all day in the June Florida sun - arrived at my house at 9am, then proceeded to rip out my cabinets. He worked for a week and a half straight, me with my head down, trying to do whatever I could to be helpful, because I could *never* repay him.
Suni is a lot like my dad, I think. She can dive into a project and not realize it's been 12 hours. She likes the manual labor, the rhythmic and repeatable efforts of laying tile or painting. She's the one who doesn't care what time she arrives, and is perfectly capable of saying no to people. She's not overly concerned about money, either and has a real bad temper. She's the storyteller, the life of the party, the selfish and self-centered one (an Evans trait to be sure, not shared by my father). Whit is, of course, my mother.
Right now, my dad is reading my book. I was actually a little worried about his reaction to the prologue. If you've read it, you'll note that Lyssa does *not* have a good relationship with her father. I won't lie and say that I didn't pull from some of my own childhood memories to construct some of his yelling at her, but I will say I did embellish handily. When I first wrote this book, I did not understand my dad, and so as per usual, I used my writing to help sort through my complex emotions.
If you've finished reading the book, you may notice that I try to weave in deeper themes in all of my writing (try and fail? your call). I think the relationship we have with our parents is one of the most intriguing and interesting relationships that we have in life. Nearly every book I have - actually written or mentally written - has some kind of mommy or daddy issue. Something that I tend to write over and over again is the idea of a daughter feeling left behind or just not understanding her father. Because that's something I felt for a very long time.
When we're kids, we see simplicities. Mommy is the nice one, Daddy is the mean one. Chris is the butthead (couldn't resist <3). As we grow up, I think things become less clear and we begin to see our parents as actual people. For me, that meant recognizing my dad in my own thoughts and emotions, and coming to see that he communicates in a different way. Once I understood him, I was blown away with how much my Daddy loves me, and began to feel incredibly guilty for not being more appreciative sooner.
Today, my Daddy and I have a great relationship, one that I would not trade for anything. I'm thrilled to be moving closer to him and my mom (as in, up the stairs) so that we can continue to deepen that relationship. I'm really looking forward to Saturday morning bike rides and Sunday morning fishing trips with Richard, or going stand-up paddle-boarding on a beautiful summer day. More than anything, I'm just happy to be able to spend more time with one of the most incredible men that I have ever known.
Love you Daddy.
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